A Question of Security
by Ash to Dust
Summary: Everybody has bad days but Becker has had one of the worst and he can't hide the hurt anymore. But who will understand enough to catch him when he falls? Set after S3E6, hints of Becker/Sarah, rating to be safe.


**This is a situation that popped into my head after rewatching series 5 and the plot bunny was refusing to leave me alone until I sat and wrote it down. Anyway, hope you like it, feel free to point any mistakes etc. Ash to Dust x  
**

**

* * *

**

A Question of Security

_What,_ Becker thought angrily to himself as he stormed; well, walked quickly towards the safe emptiness of beyond the double doors, _is the point of a safe house if it isn't safe? _It had been one of several things that had been on his mind since Danny and the others had arrived back from that hell hole.

Partly he blamed himself, he was head of security and they shouldn't have even been in that situation, the hidden cameras were just the sort of thing he had been employed to prevent. On the other hand he also blamed Lester for sending them those co-ordinates. Why not some lovely country home in the slightly more obscure areas of Yorkshire where they could have had a tea party and enjoyed the afternoon drizzle; rather than a dusty shack that was falling apart at the hinges with a blasted _anomaly_ in it?

Ok, so he was glad that Lester was back in charge because frankly, he hadn't been able to stand that Christine woman and it had taken all his professionalism and somewhat lacking acting skills to force a smile. He didn't take kindly to anyone who threatened his friends, Danny was a different story altogether of course but Abby and Connor and _Sarah_.

Well Sarah shouldn't have been there, simple as that.

Forcing himself out of his thoughts Becker headed to the one place where he could vent the day's frustrations without hurting anyone. The gym at the ARC wasn't bad and he'd added to it since he had arrived to train his men and provide the perfect wind-down area. Right now a long session with the punch bag was just what he needed. But no matter how hard he tried to focus on what he was doing his thoughts kept flying back to the mistakes he'd made that day. It was a long list, longer than normal at any rate. Finally he accepted the inevitable and gave up, packing away his things and heading to the locker room with his mind set on a long shower and taking his mind of things with a good book when he got home.

He was so focussed on his inner turmoil that he walked straight into Connor, nearly knocking them both onto the floor.

"Whoa, steady on mate." Connor exclaimed as he caught himself on the doorframe.

"Sorry Temple didn't see you." He carefully walked around his colleague (who he still couldn't believe was actually _older_ than him) but was stopped by Connor's hand on his chest.

"Are you alright?" Connor asked taking in the ruffled and downtrodden appearance of the usually impeccably turned-out soldier. It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"I'm fine." Becker replied trying to skirt around Connor, but if Connor was anything he was persistent.

"Well, you're not using the dictionary definition of 'fine' that I learnt at school." Connor shot back, "I mean, if this is about earlier then you do know that you're completely forgiven right? You totally saved our backsides from Johnson and I'm fairly sure that Lester would willingly offer you a pay rise and _that_ is saying something."

Becker let Connor ramble, knowing full well that he would shut up eventually and whilst what he was saying certainly had an element of truth it wasn't the thing that had been bothering him. He'd known just from the look on their faces when the recording had started that he was once again firmly in their good books but that wasn't the reason for his current state.

He should have been with them. Staying behind had been a mistake, if he had gone with them he would have at least been able to protect them. Even then, if he had stayed behind he should have insisted that Sarah remain as well, Johnson wasn't after her, she was after Danny and the artefact and he had knowingly placed the woman he… cared about in danger.

"Leave the poor man alone would you Connor?" Speaking of the devil, Sarah moved into view holding what looked suspiciously like a box of tea bags. It took a moment for his head to register that one, Connor had stopped talking and two he was actually in the kitchen doorway. That would explain the tea bags.

"I was just…" Connor began but Becker cut him off, not wanting another long rant.

"Connor, it's fine ok?" Connor looked uncertain but nodded.

"If you're sure…" He turned and headed towards the locker room looked back over his shoulder suspiciously after a couple of paces. Shaking his head at the man's mavericks Becker turned back to his saviour.

"Tea?" Sarah offered and he nodded gratefully, warm drinks and comfy chairs were definitely high on his agenda. Settling himself down on one of the sofas with his head against the cushions he allowed his eyes to slide closed as he listened to Sarah pottering around the kitchen trying desperately to ignore the part of his brain that was saying _I could get used to this_.

A moment later the sofa sank beside him as Sarah settled down waiting for the kettle to boil; she looked just as tired as he felt.

"Bad day too huh?" He asked, trying to lighten the sombre mood. It worked, a small smile breaking onto Sarah's face.

"You could say that, but I did get a free rather beautiful dress out of it." That raised a quiet chuckle from the usually emotionless man.

"It suited you," It took a moment for Becker's brain to catch up with his mouth and when it did he blushed lightly, "I said that out loud didn't I?"

"Yep," Sarah replied with a smirk which quickly dropped into an expression of concern, "Are you sure you're alright? Connor has a point; I've never seen you looking down." Becker sighed, Connor's concern he could deal with but Sarah's voice was the sort that he felt the need to spill his heart out to.

"I'm supposed to protect you," He admitted quietly feeling ashamed of himself, "Today I failed miserably. First I let you get yourself into danger in the first place, and then I didn't go with you so I couldn't protect you when you were in the danger and _then_ I had to pretend I'd turned against you and the way you looked at me…" Becker broke off, simply unable to continue without breaking down completely. He didn't know how she'd done it but Sarah had broken down the walls he spent so long building. He jumped slightly when he felt her arms encircling his waist, pulling him into a firm hug, he stiffened automatically but when she started to rub circles over aching muscles he couldn't help but relax.

"It's not your fault." Sarah said quietly and, feeling him getting ready to argue straight back she continued quickly, cutting off any reply he was going to make, "No one could have known what would happen ok? Not even you. None of us blame you for what happened today now you just need to stop blaming yourself. So you'll have your cup of tea, you're not going to complain or mope and we're going to sit here until you get over this massive guilt complex you seem to have developed, understand?"

Sarah's voice sounded exactly like his old drill sergeant giving orders, strict and not to be messed with so he nodded in submission and subconsciously curled in on himself when the hot water bottle that was Sarah moved away.

For some reason talking to Sarah had helped, but it had left him feeling vulnerable and fragile as though she would take one look at him and see all his flaws. That was one reason Danny would never understand why the 'soldier boy' comment had hurt so much. He'd sounded just like Becker's disappointed father when he'd found out the he had signed up to join the army, following in his grandfather's footsteps, rather than taking on the academic careers his parents wanted for him. His mother had understood eventually but Becker didn't think his father had ever got over his 'betrayal'. Especially when he'd done so well at school. That was a concept Connor failed to grasp, he still remembered his expression when he'd told the self-proclaimed geek that he'd got straight As.

Sarah pushed a mug of steaming tea into his hands and he took a sip, instantly tasting the sugar but for once not minding.

"Do you believe it yet?" Sarah asked simply. He wanted to say yes, he really did, but all he could think about were the things he needed to do to rectify his mistakes. He needed to talk to Lester about the safe houses, and his men about security, and he needed to find the leaks who'd installed the cameras if they hadn't already gone.

"You're thinking about it again." Sarah interrupted his thoughts with a stern look, "I can tell, you've got that look that says _I've got it all wrong again._"

"Sorry." He muttered, not really knowing why he was apologising.

"It's alright to talk about these things you know," Sarah said, her fingers resting softly on his shoulders and gently working out months of knots, for a brief moment he wondered how inappropriate this would look to anyone who walked in but then his mind refocused on Sarah's voice, "I'm not going to judge you or anything."

"I know it's just, I don't feel ready yet, if that makes any sense." It was the truth, he wanted to talk but he didn't know how to say it.

"Alright then," Sarah moved away and he couldn't help a small feeling of disappointment, "how about I drive you back to your place, you get a good nights sleep and we'll see how you feel tomorrow?" Bed sounded like a very good plan to Becker at that moment so he allowed Sarah to drag him to his own car only protesting when he realised that she would have no way home.

"I'll walk; it's not far from your place, besides you can give me a lift tomorrow to make up for it." She replied cheerfully as she took the car keys from him.

By the time they arrived at his flat the exhaustion of a very stressful day had finally caught up with Becker. Almost staggering up the stairs to his flat behind Sarah he collapsed on the sofa the moment he was through the door.

"You can't sleep there silly," Sarah chided lightly as she took in the view, "You'll have an awful crick in your neck tomorrow and you'll regret it." As reluctant as he was to move Becker decided that the bed did seem more appealing and collapsed on the duvet instead.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" Sarah asked now that he was safely in his own flat. But all of a sudden Becker felt incredibly alone, just as he had done that afternoon when he'd 'arrested' the team and that stared at him with contempt in their eyes and he wanted to tell them it was an act, he really did, but he couldn't and it killed him to see them turn their back on him. They become his closest friends and the idea that they believed he would turn against them so easily had _hurt_.

"Don't go." He pleaded as Sarah turned her back a second time, "Please." The Egyptologist took one look at his expression and gave in. She slipped off her jumper and shoes and slid under the covers beside him, right now he needed the support. Today's events had shaken them all but Becker had been just as badly affected as the rest of them and they hadn't thought about him because he'd hidden it so well. It was the least she could do.

"I'm not going anywhere Becker."

"Hilary." He corrected instinctively, needed to hear someone actually say his name, needing that extra bit of security. Then he worried that she would laugh, like everyone else he'd ever told had. He tensed, waiting for the inevitable blow but Sarah didn't laugh, instead she gave him a very shocked look.

"Hilary," Sarah repeated sounding slightly surprised, most of the team had spent months trying to get Becker to tell them his first name, hearing him announce it so easily only increased her worry about his mental state, "it suits you in a weird _it really shouldn't suit you_ kind of way." It did and for some reason Sarah suddenly couldn't imagine Becker with any other name.

"Really?" He asked, quiet and insecure after the events of the day.

"Yes," He heard her shift beside him as she settled down for the night, "Good night Hilary, I promise you things will look brighter in the morning, literally at least." Becker smiled what a _Sarah_ thing to say.

"Night." He replied unconsciously wrapping an arm around her, but she didn't seem to mind.

_Yes,_ he thought as deep, peaceful sleep claimed him, _tomorrow would definitely be better than today_.

And surprisingly, it was.

Fin.


End file.
